Learn to Say ‘no’ to Your Partner
Many partners in love cannot say ‘no’ in their relationships. Psychologists call this phenomenon ‘the tragedy of a happy couple’. Countless relationships fail because of the inability of partners to reject something sometimes. In the seemingly happy couple, there must not be any serious ‘No’; partners respect each other and there is no place for criticism – happy couples do not dispute. Partners who think so about successful relationships are at risk to experience the end of their love. If criticism and aggression are banned from the life of a couple, the negative feelings are growing secretly in each partner. And the fact of hiding secretly something from your partner brings destructive feelings and anger. The fear of distrusting the harmony is one of the possible explanations for inability to say ‘no’. And many small, unspoken ‘no’ add up to a big definite ‘no’.
I don’t advice you to act regardless of the wishes of others, but in a long-term in could damage a relationship if partners won’t learn to take responsibility for themselves. Those who never make their own proposals will lose their independence. And autonomy in relationships is just as important as the harmony. It’s totally ok have occasional disagreements – about holiday destinations, color of the wallpapers for the joint house or a choice of DVD, which you borrow. That will be dangerous but if deep rooted values come into play. Those who out of love for their partner go against personal beliefs or their needs are ignored, pay a high price. One feels impoverished by his partner.
Typical Yes-men damage a relationship more than people who express their opinions. The reason for the harmony addiction is often a lack of self confidence. American psychologists Herbert Fensterheim und Jean Baer write: “Some people humbly fulfill the wishes of others and hide their own wishes in themselves”. These “inhibitory personalities” (from Latin: inhibere = stop, inhibit) let their life be determined from the moods of others. Anyone who has recognized that he tends to inhibitory behavior should work on his assertiveness as well as learn a foreign language, advice the authors. A good testing ground for this is your own relationship, because whom else, if not your partner, you can openly your opinion? The best way no longer to be a victim of the wishes of others is an open conversation. You should ask your partner for assistance in order to prevent this self-destructive behavior. After all, differences are the only actual condition for the true harmony: the Greek word “harmony,” literally means “the union of the opposite. Learn to say ‘no’. That is the tragedy of the happy couple.
