Relationship Advice

When two people meet, and fall in love everything seems possible, surmountable, including partner’s disadvantages. His weaknesses seem to be “cute”, his resentment and even hysterics - just short-term tantrum on the background of beautiful love. But after a year or two the same moments of irritation, negative emotions, complexity of internal world of a partner suddenly start to look unsustainable burden.

This is emotional fatigue. The first signs of its appearance become obvious in a year or two after living together. And the longer people live together, the stronger are attacks of the fatigue, repeated from time to time. Unfortunately nobody can we avoid it, but only cope.

If earlier you tolerated shortcomings of your partner, then some time later, you hardly could listen to his daily moaning about his bosses and boredom at work, and even not able to respond properly to his complaints about headaches. “Take a pill” - angrily growl you and move out of his view. The reason is simple: “Every day is the same”.

The secret of those couples who do not suffer from emotional fatigue is that they intuitively find ways to overcome it. The main thing - they do not stand at one place, they are developing, each of them separately and both together. It is impossible to avoid “wear relations” if you live all the time together and not leaving each other for a long time.

Here are some advices that could help you to maintain a pleasant family atmosphere for many years:

1. Give keys of access to your reactions to your partner in advance, without waiting until the problem arises. Use observation. Remember: you can not use your partner as a “sewer” for your emotional splashes.

2. Very often out of each quarrel partners manage to draw conclusions about “hopelessness” of their relationship and acting on emotional impulse almost break up. However already in a day the problem is solved, and it is forgotten about the threats “to break up forever”. Learn to keep to the rule of 48 hours. If there a quarrel won’t exhaust itself in that time - it can be taken serious and treated appropriately. In the meanwhile, till two days are not expired - does not make any serious conclusions from an argument. Learn to wait.

3. Respond is not always necessary. Men often recognize that the best way to respond to their concerns - lack of response. A woman sometimes, feeling that something is not right, starts inquire and in respond to the bad mood of her spouse, fall into melancholy. If he is calm for you, he can quickly solve his problems. You can offer assistance, but this is not the same as “share” his bad mood with your irritation or crying.

4. Change and develop - both together and individually. This is the best way to avoid emotional fatigue. You should learn solving problems rather than talking about them. There are no hopeless situations. A person, who did not progress in solving his or her difficulties in a year or two, can cause irritation of the partner. Try some new approaches to solve your problems, listen to the meaning of your partner. After all, another person is given to us as well to help to see ourselves from the side.

That men and women are on different wavelengths when it comes to communicating is probably not news to you. It’s not hard, from even simple observations, to see the potential problems when men and women communicate. Sociolinguist Deborah Tannen, who has written a book called You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, made an attempt to study the differences in man-woman communication.

She observed, that women create feelings of closeness by conversing with their friends and lovers. Men don’t use communication in this way, so they can’t figure out why their women are continually talk, talk, talking. Eventually, many men just tune their women out. Men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. One of these ways is “troubles talk”. Tannen notes, that for women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we’re close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution.

When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. The woman, craving closeness and intimacy with her man, talks to him about her problems with friends, family, her job, etc. She seeks to have her man respond as her girlfriends have always done, and talk with her about his concerns. The man, however, hears these conversations as requests for advice, not intimacy. He considers the problem and offers a solution, or dismisses the issue. When his woman continues to go on about these same concerns, showing no movement to consider his advice, he becomes confused and eventually angry; he begins to believe that his woman is an expert at talking about nothing. The woman begins to feel that her man doesn’t care about her because he won’t talk to her in a way that feels intimate.

The author concludes that women must learn that the kind of intimate talk they have with their girlfriends should remain just that. Trying to turn your man into a girlfriend will usually fail because men, in general, don’t create feelings of closeness in that way. Men, too can understand that when their woman is talking, she is attempting to connect to him-she’s not just talking to talk, nor is she trying to readjust the status of their relationship. By sharing more of himself he shows her, in a way she can understand, that he’s not pushing her away; that he does indeed love her and want to be close to her.

Some people get very annoyed if somebody says them that they have done something wrong. Deep inside maybe they understand and accept this criticism but their reaction on it ranges from simply denying to aggressive attack. Why they act like this?
First thing first it could be pride that doesn’t let them admit their fault in public. But under deep shell of negative outer emotions (arrogance, rudeness, and aggressiveness) lies insecurity. People who cannot accept advice or critics suffer from low self-esteem. Now when you know this, don’t run to them with this cheerful news that you know what their problem is. Next time show more understanding, trying to give advice or criticizing, think about right place and time, the tone of your voice and how would you phrase carefully the criticism without hurting more that insecure person. Understand that he/she already suffers from lots of fears and worries and with your critics you can hurt them even more. Trying to toughen such person you will lose them like your friend.

How important educational and social status factors by choosing a life-long partner? Nearly all educated women want to find men with higher educational degree. However for men this parameter is non-essential, they can be happy with woman of any social strata or degree unless she treats him well and loves him. If his future wife is poor is also no problem for the majority of men. But women look carefully whom they fall in love with. Why is that? Are they are so pragmatic and non-romantic?
The answer to this question lies in instincts that we inherited from our old ancestors. They were very pragmatic thinking about how to survive in this life. And no matter that nowadays men don’t need to go hunting and women’s goal is not giving birth to many children, - strong inborn instincts are ruling us subconsciously. Women are still trying to choose the strongest of kind (it could be reflected in man’ social status and education nowadays – that guarantee safety life) and men are searching for women capable of reproducing his quality offspring: healthy, with beautiful body and kind character.

Have you ever thought what your strength points by opposite gender are? Maybe you have beautiful body or charming smile or you cook tasty food or earn lots of money? How does it happen that we attract whom we attract und why?

To my mind, love, as any other emotion first appears in our thought, and as if we can change our thoughts so we can change whom we love. Scientists proved that we find more attractive people who show their interest in us. And if to think carefully it is very often shared similarities that make people closer to each other. We love a part of ourselves in a partner and cannot imagine loving somebody different from him/her.

At some stage we don’t feel attracted any longer by our partner because we have changed and similarities between us disappeared. We cannot stay with a person so different and distant from us now. And we are looking for another best part. This proves that love comes and goes with our past and future identities.

Trying to find the cure to my negative feelings I came across an article in Psychology Today that helped me to understand the situation and solved my problems. It is stated, that in good relationships, compassion - caring about the discomfort or distress of loved ones with a motivation to help - is very strong. The trouble comes when resentment blocks natural compassion for loved ones. The problem with resentment in relationships is that much of it is due to the effects of negative emotions tracked into the home from the outside. The rule of blame is that it usually goes to the closest person.
Blaming makes us temporarily feel more powerful. But the temporary empowerment comes at the cost of making an enemy of the beloved. Resentment is a perception of unfairness for not getting the expected help, recognition, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, or affection. Here are the signs that resentment is building to danger levels. Either you or your partner is:
• Judgmental about the other’s perspective without curiosity to learn more about it
• Irritated by how the other feels
• Intolerant of differences - you should see things the same way
• Irritated by things you used to think were cute - facial expressions, laughter, tone of voice, manner of dress, etc.
• Making less important things more important than the most important things.
• Losing interest in most forms of intimacy - talking, touch, hugging, sharing, sex .
No one resents just one thing. The continuous nature of resentment creates a chain, where past resentments attract present offenses, forming an ever longer and heavier chain. Though mainly about the past, the chain of resentment eventually extends into the future. That’s when your expectation of someone disappointing you becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. At that point it starts a downward spiral of irritability, impatience, restlessness, bickering, cold shoulders, and angry outbursts.

As cure the author suggests to understand that resentment covers a deeper hurt, even when the things you resent seem petty. Increase your:
• Core value - get back in touch with the most important things to and about you, which will not include resentment and anger at people you love
• Compassion for yourself - recognize that when you are resentful or angry you are hurt or overwhelmed; focus on healing and improving rather than punishment
• Compassion for your partner - recognize that when he or she is resentful or angry, he or she is hurt or overwhelmed; try to help
• Respectful negotiation - you have equal value and equal rights
• Recognize the effects of negative emotioons.

To break down defensive mechanism both partners should try to understand that they both feel at that time and not to concentrate on their own feelings.

Any relationship can survive only when both partners work on it. Work on a relationship requires great effort and emotional strength. Many people totally miss the point of the meaning of working on a relationship. They think it is about the division of roles and tasks, when one of them for example performs household duties and the other earns money going to work. Strict rules, successful time management and reliability in doing these tasks make a relationship work. I won’t disagree that all the above mentioned things help to build a stronger and healthier relationship, but that is not the type of work I am talking about. I think work in the relationship means emotional commitment, better understanding of your partner and helping him/her with their life difficulties. This help doesn’t necessary involve money or any material support. This help often takes a lot of emotional energy from the partner who helps, requires self-confidence and love. If you don’t have much confidence or emotional strength you cannot help anybody whilst you are still absorbed with yourself. So, if you need to prove some of your points of view, trying to help your partner will end with just another argument. But if you strong enough not to get angry or offended whilst disputing, this means you are emotionally mature to put the other person first before yourself (as and when needed). You are capable of dealing with any situation and as a reward you will get a wonderful relationship.

We all prefer to communicate with cheerful, positive thinking people who seem to charge us with their positive emotional energy. Especially it is important in a relationship. How to create this emotional energy inside yourself, how to become a person who can laugh while maybe crying inside? The whole secret I think is in loving yourself. Being strong and confident doesn’t mean arrogant. People who got deeper to their own heart are capable to understand and love themselves more. They are like a shining star; they love people around them and create positive energy that makes them beloved. Discover yourself, know what you want from life and try to get it; be patient and persistent, and don’t expect anybody to make you happy. This life-long way to your wishes and your will-power will create energy which inspires other people.

One of the most overlooked and underestimated tactics every woman could use to boost their mans ego and confidence is praise. Don’t forget to say him what goes though your mind, you don’t need to make up lies. If you get turned on thinking about your man, tell him! If your man has dreams, is working toward them and you truly believe he will achieve them, tell him! Let him know that you appreciate him and what he does for you! Your prise can lead to him spending more time with you, better communication, doing more around the house and much more. He would do everything for you, knowing how much you appreciate that effort. The point here is you should always say the truth. If you find nothing in your man to give him compliments about then why are you still with him? In any life situation you can see million and one reason to give the person you are with praise to raise his confidence.

Imagine the person you hate the most of all in your life, take a pillow and hit it as hard as you can and tell it (him/her) everything that was sitting for so long inside you that you would never say to that person in real life. First when I saw this experiment on TV I thought it was wired. When I saw people crying and losing control, getting aggressive in front of pillow, I didn’t believe that it could be real. To find out if it really works I took the pillow and imagine.. well, was a bit difficult, but if you think for a while you will remember somebody who done something bad to you. And then, I cannot describe what happened. From the side probably, it looked like I am going mad but after a while when I had nothing to say any more and no forces to box I felt so relieved. It is amazing, we keep inside and carry around so much pain and anger and never notice this. I would advice everybody to do this boxing therapy, as we are not meant to box our bosses at work in real life we can easy do it after work in our imagination, boxing punching ball. The thing is that women also do get angry and agressive but they used to keep it all inside, their picture in society makes it twise as hard. Women should be patient, feminin, forgiving, while men can show his impatience, agression or anger. I would advice women to try to look inside themselves and don’t think that they don’t need to hate anybody, or that everything was ok in their life. Sure, it was not everything ok. So, by hitting pillow therapy you’ll see how much anger was sitting inside and how much better you would feel after releasing it.

Today, 9th of May is the Victory Day, traditionally a big holiday in Russia and all former soviet republics. They and their families and friends are celebrating willpower, hope and love that helped people of the WWII period to fight Nazis. I know some of these people, who have had difficult young years. They should have being enjoying this life, fall in love and be happy as every 15 or 16 years old nowadays. But instead they have had to experience all the horrors of the war. The point I wanted to make here is their strong belief to win the war and overwhelming optimistic attitude. When I start to worry about things in my life, pretend the worse and see no way out, I think about that brave people that every day of their life lived as their last day, concentrated on one aim and believing in its positive result. Would they get upset or cry if they have my “problems”? Sure, not. They knew how to distinguish life questions from silly worries; they knew what they should be frightened of and how to praise every moment of life. Something for us to take a good example of.

I thought today how wonderful it would be if both partners in a relationship write a dairy or weblog about what had happened to them this day and how it made them feel. Writing these things is beneficial for both. First, one analyzes his actions and thoughts in written form and it can be considered as an art of therapy. Second, your partner can understand you better, see you inside out. Certainly, writing about feelings is private and some people feel uncomfortable to let anybody get so close to them, even their loved one. But to note here for a healthy relationship, built on trust there is nothing harmful to let the person near you to know how do you feel.

Some people talk a lot about love. They are sure that they know what it is. And if you ask them about their relationship they will answer you: “It is wonderful. We love each other so much.” But jet, when you look at their relationship, you won’t notice any interest in each other. Yes, it is wonderful to leave in such a relationship: no arguments, no misunderstandings. Each of partners leaves his own life, independently and as he/she wants. Then a question arises by itself: why to be together if there is no deep emotional connection? You can share accommodations with your parents, friends or just leave by yourself. Such people don’t understand what it is commitment in a relationship. A woman maybe happy to stay at home and be a housewife her partner is happy to come home and have a dinner ready and his shirts ironed. Till each of them does his/her bit, to follow the agreement they stay together and there are no arguments. But if one of them would start to ‘shake the boat’ and refuse to do usual stuff then they are in trouble. Such feelings as love or friendship one can win only by giving positive emotions, care and understanding. If the process of giving and taking is only on physical level between both partners then their relationship is a business agreement and not about love.

Hoo-ra! Google Alerts brought good news for me today – my yesterday’s post was found!! So, being quite happy with this I am continuing to share with you my relationship advices. Today I will write about responsibility for your life and its impact on a relationship. We all know that responsibility it is about earning money, being independent from anybody, take care of our health, and so on. But some of us don’t know about other type of responsibility: being aware of what and when we are not doing for ourselves. Only this one little thing can change all your life, and what is more – positively influence your relationship. Nobody can make you happy but yourself. Men can do everything and a little bit more for you but, believe me, it would never be enough to make you happy. You and only you should do it for yourself. Such emotions to your partner like anger, self-pity, blaming others, upset will be signs to you that you are not taking responsibility for your life. As soon as you realize this and try to correct the situation with your life you will see how anger and upset disappears. So, try not to blame the person you are with and don’t expect him to do “all better” that you are not handling. Instead, every time when you experience bad emotions toward your partner, take that responsibility and fix your problems first before blame and complain.

A lot of what is happening in our life we had not planned or expected. When it happens it is important to remind ourselves the old truth “it is all for the better” and look at the situation from the other angle. In most cases, we are disappointed not because of any unforeseen events, but only because our plan has been violated, additional work is to be done, and all this will course inconvenience, disruption of our peace and quite. Those who are looking for serenity in life deluding themselves because human need movement and both physical and spiritual development. The more things to do, problems and concerns we have the happier we can get solving them. Many won’t agree with me, they would have been very happy in the opposite situation: any worries or concerns, anything to do. This is difficult to explain, but it is the law of life, who knows it, that is on the way to his happiness. Those who shed their natural laziness, is busy with nothing and does not want to do anything -, hurt themselves. People grow in their eyes and the eyes of others through their deeds and if there are no actions there are no respect and no recognition. An empty space. Nothing.

We all want our relationships to work but very often we are too lazy to make them functional. Here are some of essential qualities of a successful relationship that will stand the test of time.
1. Be a Blame-Free Zone
An interesting thing happens when you blame your spouse. You actually get more of the very behavior that you say you dislike. When you blame my partner what does she/he naturally do? She/he blames you back! You see her as the problem, and she sees you the same way. There are many couples blaming each other and feeling justified in doing it. Sadly, millions feel that being “right” is more important than the health of their relationship. Blaming your spouse has never worked and never will. There are certainly times that you can be angry with your spouse, but carrying around blame and resentment will kill your chances for long-term success.
2. Commitment as a daily ritual
Commitment can be the use of specific acts that are done on a daily basis. Commitment can be an enthusiastic welcome at the door every night, daily acknowledgements, or spending free time with your partner. Commitment is shown in everyday acts that are repeated over and over. When these acts are forgotten or neglected, they need to be re-visited and started again. Bored? Then do it differently, change the ritual, or just get over it! Your boredom often speaks to your inability to find depth and meaning in everyday life—and your ability to handle a long-term relationship.
3. Use the “Five to One Rule”
For every scornful look, sarcastic comment, or criticism, there should be five positive acts or interactions–a hug, a wink, or a compliment. This practice was proposed by John Gottman Ph.D in his work Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. In fact, it didn’t matter if the negative interactions were quite hostile, as long as the positive interactions took place. Successful relationships need a steady dose of kind acts and thoughts. When you provide these to your spouse, your capacity for kindness grows along with it.

Strange creations women are: when they are sad - they cry, when they are happy - they also cry. What is it about woman’s cry that men hate? First thing first there are different reasons to cry and before starting to overcome crying we should decide if this cry reasonable or not. The way to look at it is that if the thought during crying about ME, then this cry is unreasonable and even harmful. If you cry with thoughts about somebody else’s problems you don’t need to worry about your emotional health, - it is right. Why then cry about yourself wrong and harmful? Because it is built up on your self-pity and negativity. Unhappiness and misery are occupying your mind and you crawl into self-pity from this unfair world and nasty people. You don’t see that this misery doesn’t exist in the world, but in your mind. Crying is only good for a short while as anesthetic, but it becomes a bad addictive habit with time. Children are meant to cry to attract everybody’s attention when they are hurt, adults not. Your partner can lose his face and respect with you if he sees you are addicted to cry. It means for him that you are little baby, that he should take care of you and you won’t take of him, because children are dependant on their parents. So, if you want to be equal and respected in a relationship, my advice to you: take a grip over your life. Be responsible and optimistic. Realize your opportunities and take positive actions. You always have a choice and this power of choice is yours. Responsibility for your life that you are so freighted of is your key to happiness.

The New Year started and most of us are full of hopes and positive thoughts about how the next year must be and what we shell do to make it like this. And sure we truly wish all the best for ourselves and going to improve our tomorrow. The only thing is that we should hurry up before the time runs out as it already happened a couple of times, before it will be too late. Some of you can agree that at the beginning of the year we feel motivated, energetic and full of energy and after some while something happens and we come back to normal state: being passive and not interested in things. Why is it so? I think it is not the lack of vitamins and energy at early spring that we suffer from its laziness coming through. It comes and says to you with a little kind voice: come on, relax, you can do it any time, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Don’t let it happen. If you feel sorry for yourself, it will take you away. Be hard and strict with yourself and than you won’t regret about wasted time and opportunities. You will be happy to know and to do what you meant to be doing at the proper time in the proper place.

Any relationship could have its ups and downs, we used to this fact and overcoming such common relationship problems as gender role misinterpreting or communication breakdown by partners make their relationship get stronger and happier. Relationship without any problems is not a relationship its co-existence together with one’ partner. People who are looking for non-problem relationships usually end to be single. They are too lazy or too irresponsible to try to find out the reasons for problems in their relationships and to fix them. You cannot say it about people having long-term relationship with a partner from other culture. In addition to all common relationship problems they get specifically intercultural relationship issues that make them put much more effort to understand each other and to maintain their relationship. Now I am working on a project called Intercultural Relationship Issues. The work is built on mixture of Sociological, Psychological and Cultural Studies. I hope that identifying the problem is half-way solving it and my work will help couples with partners from different courtiers to look at their problems from different point of view and understand each other better from the cross-cultural perspective.

The phenomenon of positive thinking and its grate impact in different aspects of our life was proved long ago by specialists in psychology, philosophy, sociology and other areas of investigation human mind and heart. We are what we think about ourselves, our life is so as we imagine it to be in our mind. The biggest problem of many people that they cannot get out of their negative patterns of thinking, they say to themselves and to their friends: “my life is shit, I hate it”. And the next day they wake up and their life does prove them to be as they predicted it to be the day before. The same happens to our relationships and our expectations on our partner. If you stock in the relationship you don’t like and you cry and complain about your partner it is all only because of your everyday thoughts like “he doesn’t love me anymore”, “she is probably cheating on me”, “our relationship has no future” and so on. Do you want your relationship ended? Do you want her to cheat? Why than you let these crap to flow around your mind? You life will become much happier and relationship stronger if you believe in this. Believe in it unconditionally, imagine you have all these already, free yourself from bad thoughts. Human imagination is one the most crucial tools in creating or ruining ones’ life. So, next time before saying something to yourself think first: what you are saying now can become true already next day- do you want this? If not, than don’t say and don’t think this.

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
H.Lawrence

To realize this self-destructive emotion takes courage and strength to admit that you have it. In theory it is “state of mind of a person in a perceived adverse situation who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence or ability to cope with it. It is characterised by the person’s belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence”. Social-Learning theorists would purport that it is a method of getting attention, probably as a child, where they were given attention, support, and nurturing while being sick and hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself, while “sick and hurt” and as such, the payoff continues. Others consider self-pity to be an extreme form of egoism and a result of a very selfish perspective of the world. But no matter where its origin the only right way to become happy is to accept that you are self-pitting and to get red of it.

Very often we don’t realize our true potential, ourselves in the best intellectual and physical state that we could ever achieve. The term role model has passed into general use to mean any “person who serves as an example of a positive behavior”. In childhood we observe, learn and imitate behaviors, actions, values, beliefs and even expressions of our parents. What is to do if our parents did not help us reach ours best that we could be? If you feel not fully happy with your life choose someone who has a lot of confidence in themselves and their abilities. It would help you discover true yourself. A good role model would be someone who knows who they are. (more…)

The way to man’s heart goes through - … no, not through his stomach, as you could immediately assumed, but through communication and understanding. While to treat him with some tasty food before asking your questions never would be out of place. Here are some tips that help you to choose the right partner. In any case, experience of communicating with men will give you self-confidence and improve your chances of finding your ideal one among them.

1. What to ask. Lead the conversation with a man into direction that you are interested in. Find out about his personally asking about his views, values, life experience. Listening what he says about his values and relationships with people can help you to understand him. Sorrowfully collect information about his behavior with other people because it is likely for him to be similar with you. Draw a picture of your possible joint life. (more…)

The key to a happy relationship are prise and criticism. If you criticize a man constructively, he will be pleased with your attention. You can and should criticize him, but you do not forget to praise him. He will be happy that you see all his weaknesses and yet love him. Find the proper balance between criticism and praise. You can not be a good parent, teacher or spouse, not knowing how to balance criticism and praise. To win his love, sometimes you just need to change your behaviour. Here we consider some behaviour patterns that will help to see your mistakes:
1. Woman who is saying nothing.
If you never praise or criticize a man he will consider you an empty space. You may think that no criticism is politeness or kindness, but he sees this as a weakness. If you never criticize he is think of you one of the 3:
• You are too stupid to see his weaknesses, and hence too stupid for him.
• You are not self-confident and hence too weak for him.
• He is perfect and therefore too good for you .

2. Admirer who only praises and never criticizes.
We were taught to be nice, not to say unpleasant things to upset others. (more…)

If women want to be loving and caring but don’t know how to show it and what to do it would be advisable to follow Margaret Kent advice and remember that men treat the best women of three professions. These are waitresses, nurses and stewardesses – that duty is to take care of them. It doesn’t mean that you should change your qualification or to do an additional nurses course and work as a waitress for practise at evenings. You need just to pay attention what exactly these 3 professions about and prove to your partner that you can be a stewardess, a waitress and a nurse at the same time. Be clever and to some extent critical (no more than his mother), know your worth. (more…)

Recently one question is occupying my mind and I cannot find an answer for it. Why do people get ill? Do the problems with our health mean something more then just a disease? I mean not just to get a cold but even this could have some metaphysical reasons(that are some that go beyond physical explanations that we all can understand). Nearly every physiological disease happens because of our body and mind connection. But how does it work in detail and why do some people get cured and others not? I try to find out deeper reasons for that why do people get ill if they have not been determined jet. But I am pretty sure that the answers exist and it will only take some time to find them. Only imagine how wonderful it would be to live long, healthy and happy life and to help other people. To clue this mystery has become my fixed idea. I also understand that there are things in this life that are past our comprehension and we should accept them as they are. But something makes me believe that is not the case.

Continuing the previous post about how to love yourself, here are some characteristics of self-confident people. If you practice to act like them for a start the confidence will come to you after a little while naturally. So, people with high self-esteem are remarkable for:
-confident motions;
- sure step;
- open view towards interlocutor eyes and not down or to the side. His/her chin is raised, back –straight and shoulders are straightened.
In communication acts he/she is as follows:
- can recognise his/her mistakes, open and calm respond to the criticism
- is interested in everything new, enthusiastically supports interesting ideas, not envy others’ creativity.
- with pleasure and not embarrassment receives compliments.
- doesn’t react offended to the jokes about him/her and is able to laugh on him- or herself.
- is able to safe dignity during stress.
- his/her own criticism is constructive. He/she direct and fair says others about their good points and faults, but never insult someone and never allow oneself to be boor even while the most miserable moods.
- refers to others with respect, recognizes the dignity of other people and shows only good intentions.

We all know that if we don’t love ourselves we cannot love other person. The greatest book ever I read about self love role on improving one’s life is of Luisa Hey. Her philosophy is built on simple and very powerful laws of love. She teaches us how to love ourselves:
1. Stop criticizing. The criticism has never changed anybody. Stop criticizing yourselves. Please, accept yourself as you are. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. If you approve yourself, you change positively.
2. Stop bully yourselves with you own thoughts. This is a terrible way of life.
Look for an image that is pleasant for you (for me this are yellow roses), and immediately switch from frightening thoughts to you enjoyable ones.
3. Be gentle, kind and patient. Be generous with yourself. Be kind to yourself. (more…)

a 1. Our love begins with a thought. We become such person as we are thinking of ourselves. Thoughts full of love create life and relationship full of love.

2. To love somebody you should learn to respect that person. And first of all to respect yourself.

3. The secret of donating your love. If you would like to be loved you need to give it first.
Love means donating part of oneself, without any pay or conditions. Practice to express your kindness in everyday life. The secret formula of love is always pay attention to the fact of what you can give, and not to the fact of what you can take.

4. Friendship. To find your love, you must first find a true friend. To love means not to look at each other but look at the world in the same direction.

5. The power of touch. Touching is one of the most powerful expressions of love, destructive barriers and strengthening relationships. It changes both physical and emotional state and makes people more susceptible to love. Touching can help heal the body and warm the heart. When you disclose your embraces, you disclose your heart. (more…)

Continuing the theme of the previous post here I would give you some more ideas on how to build a perfect relationship. Most of this material origin from personal life observations and communicating with men on the topic.

Why to get married?

Situation nowadays is different than it was even 10 years ago. Less and less men see the necessity of a marriage. They prefer to stay single as long as possible because there is no reason of getting married, - from their point of view. (more…)

Earlier I thought that only young people can feel deep and with the age people loose this trait and become less emotional. Now I doubt this opinion. Emotions know no age, but there is a difference in their expression. Children are free to demonstrate even the slightest change of their mood while adults are meant to control themselves. This change should naturally happen to an individual in course of his or her life. Psychologists claim that emotional maturity brigs more happiness into one’s life. You are in control of your thoughts and emotions and it means there are no reasons to be unhappy. You can think, feel and act according to situation. What can be wrong? Unfortunately psychologists have not thought how much lost and less benefit this will bring to a personality. One is dependent on some society rules, if he or she acts impropriety they’ll run into a danger to be along. So the only way to be accepted is to think and act right, “maturely” and to keep smiling.

Setting up own business requires not only idea, self-discipline and start-up capital but also such phenomenon as motivation. Everyone who’s ever taken a shower has an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off, and does something about it that makes a difference. –Nolan Bushnell. So when it comes to motivation, KNOWING is not as important as DOING. You should get into habit to finish things you start. Mutual support is also motivating. We will develop the attitudes of our best friends. If they are losers, we will be a loser. If they are winners, we will be a winner. One of the leading theories on motivation and human needs is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs shows that only when basic physiological and safety needs are satisfied an individual is searching for knowledge and self-actualization. It means that the quality of life influences motivation. From the other hand we all know about stories when difficult life situation makes people achieve the highest point. So poverty was the best motivation to act for them.

Many of us either looking for a job or would like to change one for more interesting and high-paid. We all study on our mistakes, but in case of self-presentation is better to learn professional tips. Many authors on the topic of job-hunting say that the key to this problem is covered in change of own ideas and nothing more. If your idea is formulated as “I am looking for a job» it is simply impossible to be sincerely self-confident, in fact you feel in a role of suppliant. Present a situation as “I’m not looking for a job, I offer my talent, abilities, capabilities.” You will radiate confidence, dignity and goodwill. Only with these ideas it is possible to set out in searches. Everybody is unique. Only you have the combination of capabilities, abilities and talents which are not presented by anybody on earth.