Relationship Advice

Imagine the person you hate the most of all in your life, take a pillow and hit it as hard as you can and tell it (him/her) everything that was sitting for so long inside you that you would never say to that person in real life. First when I saw this experiment on TV I thought it was wired. When I saw people crying and losing control, getting aggressive in front of pillow, I didn’t believe that it could be real. To find out if it really works I took the pillow and imagine.. well, was a bit difficult, but if you think for a while you will remember somebody who done something bad to you. And then, I cannot describe what happened. From the side probably, it looked like I am going mad but after a while when I had nothing to say any more and no forces to box I felt so relieved. It is amazing, we keep inside and carry around so much pain and anger and never notice this. I would advice everybody to do this boxing therapy, as we are not meant to box our bosses at work in real life we can easy do it after work in our imagination, boxing punching ball. The thing is that women also do get angry and agressive but they used to keep it all inside, their picture in society makes it twise as hard. Women should be patient, feminin, forgiving, while men can show his impatience, agression or anger. I would advice women to try to look inside themselves and don’t think that they don’t need to hate anybody, or that everything was ok in their life. Sure, it was not everything ok. So, by hitting pillow therapy you’ll see how much anger was sitting inside and how much better you would feel after releasing it.

Today, 9th of May is the Victory Day, traditionally a big holiday in Russia and all former soviet republics. They and their families and friends are celebrating willpower, hope and love that helped people of the WWII period to fight Nazis. I know some of these people, who have had difficult young years. They should have being enjoying this life, fall in love and be happy as every 15 or 16 years old nowadays. But instead they have had to experience all the horrors of the war. The point I wanted to make here is their strong belief to win the war and overwhelming optimistic attitude. When I start to worry about things in my life, pretend the worse and see no way out, I think about that brave people that every day of their life lived as their last day, concentrated on one aim and believing in its positive result. Would they get upset or cry if they have my “problems”? Sure, not. They knew how to distinguish life questions from silly worries; they knew what they should be frightened of and how to praise every moment of life. Something for us to take a good example of.

I thought today that I cannot plan my future because I don’t know what will be in my life even in one month. These feelings of panic, unstable life, fear and worries for my future flood my mind. My thoughts are jumping chaotically from one point to another, looking for ways to stabilise this situation even a little bit. Every one of us was in similar position in some state of his life. Some of us learned valuable lessons, some not. First thing first no matter how unpredictable our future looks today there is no need for worry. Imaginary fear and worry are the worst helpers in this situation. They take away your ability to think clearly, make you act inadequate and fail to improve the situation. And another thing that is very important – nobody knows what the future brings and nobody can say it for sure. It depends only on 50% from our thoughts and actions, so do what you can do and leave the other part to God. All seem to bring a risk in our life: taking a new job, going into marriage, falling in love with someone. But as the Russian saying goes: who is not taking risk in his life won’t be drinking champagne. So, if you would like to celebrate your successes you should take risks.

I thought about this when I saw yesterday a 3 yeas old daughter of my friends. While we were chatting sitting at the kitchen the girl were busy playing with her birthday present - also a kitchen. Full imitation of a real cooker with well organized places for plates and towels and everything like in real life. Why do girls mean to do only these things: to cook, to have babies and tidy up in life? Why not to be a driver, astronaut or a pilot? Men consider these to be their privilege not that they could do a better job of it but only because they were encouraged in their childhood to take that roles. It is interesting what would happen if not to give a child definite directions how to be a man or a woman? (more…)

Waking through my Alma Mater always feel good that attracts me here over again. I like to be at the University library where old books’ smell together with quite atmosphere creates that mood of absorption the knowledge with person’s mind. I like to visit different lectures, listen to students and professors disputes and I like to be a student myself. It is sad to finish the University that is like massive part of one’s everyday life is missing. What so interesting in studying? There are people who feel need to better themselves, they are looking for ways to develop their strengths and to minimize their weaknesses. There is not only knowledge and challenges that prepare higher education with it. Education gives time that is precious and cannot be bought for any money. It is time to think about one’s future, travel, meet people. (more…)

Recently one question is occupying my mind and I cannot find an answer for it. Why do people get ill? Do the problems with our health mean something more then just a disease? I mean not just to get a cold but even this could have some metaphysical reasons(that are some that go beyond physical explanations that we all can understand). Nearly every physiological disease happens because of our body and mind connection. But how does it work in detail and why do some people get cured and others not? I try to find out deeper reasons for that why do people get ill if they have not been determined jet. But I am pretty sure that the answers exist and it will only take some time to find them. Only imagine how wonderful it would be to live long, healthy and happy life and to help other people. To clue this mystery has become my fixed idea. I also understand that there are things in this life that are past our comprehension and we should accept them as they are. But something makes me believe that is not the case.

Do you believe that are lucky people that get a lot in their life for doing nothing? It is a very controversial question that I would answer with “no”. I am happy to know some successful people and I see what is their luck about. They 100% deserve to be rewarded by life for their hard work and positive attitude. If you still play lottery in hope to win lots and lots of money and dreaming about wealthy life, when you can effort everything that you want, so wake up.
Don’t you see that something is not right about just buying a ticket, sitting and waiting? Life is fair and simple - what you put into it that you will get out. Even if some people do win they are as a rule deserved that because of their work in other areas of their life or their good heart and right attitude to life. What is the right attitude? I personally think it is about to do what you feel is need to be done, be fair with yourself, listen to your own heart and do it before you end to be an old miserable person who mucked up his chances in life and now is sitting there angry for the whole wide world and regrets his past.

We all know that if we don’t love ourselves we cannot love other person. The greatest book ever I read about self love role on improving one’s life is of Luisa Hey. Her philosophy is built on simple and very powerful laws of love. She teaches us how to love ourselves:
1. Stop criticizing. The criticism has never changed anybody. Stop criticizing yourselves. Please, accept yourself as you are. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. If you approve yourself, you change positively.
2. Stop bully yourselves with you own thoughts. This is a terrible way of life.
Look for an image that is pleasant for you (for me this are yellow roses), and immediately switch from frightening thoughts to you enjoyable ones.
3. Be gentle, kind and patient. Be generous with yourself. Be kind to yourself. (more…)

Looking through the news headlines I found out that Verka Serdjuchka, Ukrainian comic actor and singer, who won 2d place at Eurovision 2007, put his candidacy for parliament elections this year in Ukraine. First I thought it is a joke, but it’s not. He runs as a leader from party ‘For owns’ people!’ It shows you how bad political situation in Ukraine is, if people take parliament elections like a joke. There is no a slides bit of trust to politicians and indifference to the future of the country. It is no longer matter who will become a president they all only care of their own prosperity.

In our stressful time more and more people suffer from burn-out syndrome, depressions and fears. To achieve clear and calm mind and flexible body they turn to yoga. This group of ancient spiritual Indian practises was probably never as popular as nowadays. What I like about yoga is meditation and breathing. You can practice yoga anytime and anywhere, so it is convenient and doesn’t take much time. Considering general positive effect on one’s health proved by many studies it worth testing. When I first tried yoga I cannot see the effect strait away but that what kept me practicing was confidence that it should be no harm doing some exercises and actually the process itself made me feel good about myself.

The popular bear festival Oktoberfest starts in Munich this year at 22 September. It takes place at Theresienwiese and lasts for 16 days. When I moved to Germany, after a few days being in a new country with different language, its customs and traditions I landed in the middle of this big Munich event that captured my heart forever. Now when I hear about Oktoberfest I recollect my first days in Germany and count for how many years I am living in Bavaria. I should admit that first impression was that it is all wired, the only thing that I liked were different swings and attractions. Strange Bavarian traditional clothes, lots and lots of people drinking bear and eating small sausages and sauerkraut and a hell a lot of other different things – I thought I went crazy. As each year goes by I enjoy the holiday more, Germany became my home and I love its traditions and its people.

It is exiting to fell into sleep every night and be ready to see nice dreams. Some people say they don’t see any dreams- it is not totally right. Because each of us is capable to see dreams and do see them, but some people cannot remember them. I am lucky to see dreams every night and than recall them in the morning. They are colorful, happy and sad, just like our life. Sometimes I see the past: places and people that I knew. But more beautiful and exiting my half-real and half-fantastic dreams about future. I know they will come true someday, as other dreams did also. I don’t remember these dreams for long time and don’t concentrate on them. But when after years something similar happens in real life I see the connection to my old dream and consider it to come true.

The biggest emotion that absorbs me for last time and don’t let me leave is fear. I cannot see the truth myself, I used to listen to the guidance of people around me and act according their expectations on me. There was no time when I have done something ruling by my own heart without looking back on what they say. I didn’t realize that the other people’s reaction on my actions is their own responsibility. I can be only responsible for doing what I think is right according to my own ethical judgment. My basic principle of respect for others is “Do to others as you’d have them do to you”. If they get angry or upset with me – that is their freedom of choice. If the heart can activate our deepest values, transforming them from what we think about to what we actually do in life than nothing more can stop us being as happy and successful as strong we wish this. The heart is the strongest source of energy and deep feeling that call us to create, cooperate and pints in the right direction.

The weather turned to be cold. It is rainy and windy at the street; doesn’t look like summer at all. Autumn sneaked up unnoticed as it always happen and summer easily gave up its rights. The rain is depressingly knocking at my window. Did you ring me? We’ve argued and it seems to me that I will never see you again. It feels insufferably painful, life loses its sense, and all becomes grey around. But today it is different– I cannot hide my smile, and feel so warm and cosy. We did argued– well, and? Let it be. We may argue. I love you, and this feeling is mutual. I am confident of you and of myself, I know, we will be together always, whatever happens! And somewhere on other end of the city you are in your apartment. You are not comfy and warm probably, because it is raining and you don’t like it. You would like to call me and tell about lots of things: that you miss me terribly, want to hug, kiss, cuddle up to me and never let go anywhere. I know that now you need only me.

Strange how quick today turns to be yesterday and I would give now everything to leave the past behind as easy as a day changes the night. My mind keeps pulling me back to the way I used to do things, making it hard to break free. I know the magic power of letting off will make me closer to myself, connect me with my inner world. It will help me to move on with my life, clear my mind from the past completely, gives me healthy sleep at night and efficient productive day. How happy it would make me to separate myself from the past and its destructions, to leave with good memories without regrets and anguish. I believe that desert in my heart will turn to a marvellous blossoming garden. I forgive myself and others, benefit with experience, get rid of fear and break free. Even if now I see no way out, intuitive I feel the best time in my life is coming. I know - the darkest time of a night is always before the dawn.

What is loneliness? Is it physical or mental state of a person? And how long can it last? What does it depend on and how it arises? All of us are searching for our second halves in life in a hope, that someone can help us to avoid loneliness. He will be able to fill up our heart, bring up to life, give forces and energy and paint the world in bright colours. But a question is that that even if we meet this person will we become a single whole with him/her? However, being next to someone, whom you really love, can possible to be deeply lonely. I am sure, that there are people who are single long enough and feel perfectly. How wonderful to be free and independent on anybody! Freedom gives them possibility to enjoy life, to meet with different people, visit interesting places and not to report on these to anybody. These individuals do not have time to stay in private with themselves, and to feel lonely – even more so! But what for to visit all these exhibitions, go to cinema or excursion? Is it really only in order to see something new, be surprised by originality or its absence? (more…)

Earlier I thought that only young people can feel deep and with the age people loose this trait and become less emotional. Now I doubt this opinion. Emotions know no age, but there is a difference in their expression. Children are free to demonstrate even the slightest change of their mood while adults are meant to control themselves. This change should naturally happen to an individual in course of his or her life. Psychologists claim that emotional maturity brigs more happiness into one’s life. You are in control of your thoughts and emotions and it means there are no reasons to be unhappy. You can think, feel and act according to situation. What can be wrong? Unfortunately psychologists have not thought how much lost and less benefit this will bring to a personality. One is dependent on some society rules, if he or she acts impropriety they’ll run into a danger to be along. So the only way to be accepted is to think and act right, “maturely” and to keep smiling.