Relationship Advice

Strange creations women are: when they are sad - they cry, when they are happy - they also cry. What is it about woman’s cry that men hate? First thing first there are different reasons to cry and before starting to overcome crying we should decide if this cry reasonable or not. The way to look at it is that if the thought during crying about ME, then this cry is unreasonable and even harmful. If you cry with thoughts about somebody else’s problems you don’t need to worry about your emotional health, - it is right. Why then cry about yourself wrong and harmful? Because it is built up on your self-pity and negativity. Unhappiness and misery are occupying your mind and you crawl into self-pity from this unfair world and nasty people. You don’t see that this misery doesn’t exist in the world, but in your mind. Crying is only good for a short while as anesthetic, but it becomes a bad addictive habit with time. Children are meant to cry to attract everybody’s attention when they are hurt, adults not. Your partner can lose his face and respect with you if he sees you are addicted to cry. It means for him that you are little baby, that he should take care of you and you won’t take of him, because children are dependant on their parents. So, if you want to be equal and respected in a relationship, my advice to you: take a grip over your life. Be responsible and optimistic. Realize your opportunities and take positive actions. You always have a choice and this power of choice is yours. Responsibility for your life that you are so freighted of is your key to happiness.

While looking for material about successful relationships and happy marriage I found an old, from 1950s, but still actual article from Woman’s world magazine. Some parts that doesn’t correspond today’s life I left out, but I kept the main concept and the idea. These were advices given to our mothers, that considered being better generation of wives and mothers than it of nowadays. They were more loving, more patient and kind with their husbands than women in contemporary relationships which could learn a lot of them:
All he wants is the basic love, companionship, warmth and fun of a good wife and mother. He wants to be able to bring his friends home unexpectedly and find the house in order, a meal miraculously brought out of the hat without any fuss, and a warm welcome for everyone. A man is the envy of his friends if he has a wife who does not greet him at the door saying, “Why didn’t you ring me and say you were bringing someone home?
There are some women who can’t wait to tell their husbands what kind of day they had, what they bought, what their neighbours had to say. Every woman might as well accept the fact that to make a marriage work she must put her husband first. (more…)

There are no ugly women; there are women who don’t take care of themselves. It is true for women of any nationality and any age. If she eats too much she will be overweight; if she exercises she will be nice and slim. It takes time and affords to take care of herself. Some of the most charming ladies I ever met might have not had perfect features – but their style, their manners and wonderful personality did a miracle.

Certainly physical concepts as woman’s figure, her hair, and her eyes are drawing man’s attention. Some resent researchers found out that one thing that attracts men most it is a woman’s smile. So, “qualifications” of beauty could be different for different men. Some of them beside physical attraction appreciate the way she talks, thinks or her attitude in general: her personality.

Each man has his own criteria for beautiful woman. When he decides to marry, he wants to be physically attracted to his wife for the rest of his life. And many women do a mistake here thinking that once they are married or get a child they don’t work hard to take care of themselves to be attractive. This is the point when men feel tricked or even betrayed: they’ve married slim and beautiful girl with angel’s character but are forced to live with overweight moaning wife. A woman should think twice here as her appearance weights heavily in a man’s decision to be with her.

I thought today that I cannot plan my future because I don’t know what will be in my life even in one month. These feelings of panic, unstable life, fear and worries for my future flood my mind. My thoughts are jumping chaotically from one point to another, looking for ways to stabilise this situation even a little bit. Every one of us was in similar position in some state of his life. Some of us learned valuable lessons, some not. First thing first no matter how unpredictable our future looks today there is no need for worry. Imaginary fear and worry are the worst helpers in this situation. They take away your ability to think clearly, make you act inadequate and fail to improve the situation. And another thing that is very important – nobody knows what the future brings and nobody can say it for sure. It depends only on 50% from our thoughts and actions, so do what you can do and leave the other part to God. All seem to bring a risk in our life: taking a new job, going into marriage, falling in love with someone. But as the Russian saying goes: who is not taking risk in his life won’t be drinking champagne. So, if you would like to celebrate your successes you should take risks.

In my opinion in our time has become increasingly difficult to find a good husband, a real man. Certainly, everybody can have his/her idea of what the true man should be currently. But here, I will try to identify the main qualities of this man from my point of view. First of all, and you would agree with me, that it can be a man, regardless of his age. I think there is no need to prove that the term real man is currently not associated with his sexual activity. Persuasion that this man never cries, I think is also wrong. Man can sympathize, suffer and rejoice as any living being.

1. The main distinguishing feature of this man – this is responsibility. Responsibility begins when a person is ready to assume all the consequences of his actions. This man is ready to admit his mistakes and correct them - and it’s called responsibility for him. But there is also responsibility for the family. He can do absolutely EVERYTHING for them. For him, there are no obstacles, no problems; there are only tasks that he solves the most effectively. He:
- confidently take decisions, assume responsibility and keeps his word;
- focused on the big goal achievable, the success divides to small things;
- quite intelligent, able to set and to complete his task by any circumstances;
-plans forward, initiate processes.
-acts appropriate to the cases; his words and emotions are laconic.

2. Our dreams are very similar, we work forward to the same goal. All these smaller goals lead us to the main strategic Objectives of our life. He is emotionally mature and spiritually rich and constantly growing personality. I know for sure that only communicating with him takes my breath away.

3. He loves me very much! I can feel this even at a distance. To him I am the first place priority - no work, neither parents nor something else, only me and our love! And my first priority is him! He constantly reminds me of his love, admires me, and provides signs of attention and respect. Do surprises and holidays do recall all the momentous dates of living together.

How does a marriage look today? Contemporary sociologists and psychologists disclose a principal change in a nowadays’ marriage. Men have come to accept -even celebrate - their wives’ careers and pay checks while learning, how to bathe the baby and cook the turkey. “It’s probably the real cause of half of all divorces,” states Magazine “Psychology Today”. The changes in women’s lives — their roles, ambitions, opportunities — have been considered from every angle. But men’s lives have changed too, in ways that are more confusing, more contradictory and often less welcome. Men did not ask to have their roles redefined.

Very few women could compare their lives to their mothers. For the most part, our parents and grandparents did not worry much about the emotional content of marriage. The lack of emotional connection certainly killed many marriages, and the right to personal fulfilment was part of what drove the women’s movement — which in turn changed marriage for the better. Women have so many dramatically different options in their lives. But where are men taking their cues about what it means to be a husband or a father? There is much less discussion in our society about that.

The guidelines for being a good husband used to be simple: provide, protect, maybe to chop firewood. Now wives still want all that in a mate -and more. Today’s wife wants a confidante and soul mate as well. It’s not as though they want men to be less goal-oriented or less interested in money. They’re asking for a breadwinner and a best friend. Women want their husbands to act like girlfriends. Today, simply not cheating on your wife or beating your kids doesn’t make you a good husband and father.

Men recognize that marriage requires compromise and sacrifice — but their beliefs about what’s most important are surprisingly traditional, and not necessarily in line with women’s beliefs. It’s not so much that men can’t provide the emotional support that women want as that men and women define emotional support differently. Marriage changes men. A married man works longer hours, moves up the career ladder faster and earns more money than his single peers. He spends more time with his relatives. He donates less to charity; he spends less time hanging out with his buddies and more time in formal social organizations like business and civic associations. Many contemporary fathers feel that they are an upgrade from the previous version. Warm, loving, generous fathers are lionized in the culture rather than scorned, the current generation of men is much better as fathers than their fathers were.

• Look for someone who shares your values. Any couple can expect to argue, a normal part of human behavior. But sharing similar values and goals can keep them from serious, destructive fights that can destroy the marriage. “When we had an argument, one of us always gave in,” Kessler says. “It was me!” both he and his wife chorus.
• Try to make your partner happy. People who love one another try to be understanding, considerate and generous. Your spouse’s happiness should be the most important thing in your life. Never, ever forget to say thank you. Say it for everything from clean socks to paying the rent or making the house note. Being appreciated goes a long way!
• Respect your partner’s opinion. You might not always agree, but you should listen. Get together from trouble. All relationships will present problems along the way, and events such as separation, illness or financial hardship will test a couple’s strength in dealing with them.
• Money matters. Pick a mate you trust, and trust him or her. Set your financial goals together, and work together to meet them.
• Keep love alive. Infatuation fades, but a couple can sustain attraction, enthusiasm and the comfort of sex over time. If you love each other and have a good communication, you can have a long, happy relationship.

You are in love and what to share your life with the man of your dreams. These are the right reasons to get married for you and your partner. One more important factor is realistic expectations from each other in marriage. Marriage is different from living together. It’s not necessarily better, but it’s different. Both of you will have different expectations of a ’spouse’ than of a ‘partner’ - often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents’ married life. Successful couples talk deeply before the wedding about their expectations of each other, and if there’s serious disagreement - for example he wants kids, she doesn’t - they think seriously about whether to marry. After the wedding, successful couples also talk regularly to check their expectations of married life. If those expectations clash, they keep communicating until they have understanding and agreement.

Recently I was asked by my one of my friends a relationship advice about how not to get bored in a relationship with a partner. “It is very interesting question”,- I answered,-“ something for a new discussion in my Relationship Advice blog. Let’s consider this topic now. First thing first: there are no boring and not interesting people, there are non-interested listeners. People are far too busy nowadays to take the time to really communicate with anyone. Instead people just take it in turns talking and are too busy of thinking of what to say that they don’t really listen to the other person. We are so occupied with ME ME ME that have no time and wish to think about what other people have to say. We don’t ask, they won’t say- and after a while some women think that their man is boring to be with, shy or too quite,- is no good for such an active, “communicative” lady. So, before judge people, try to find out about them as much as possible. And in a healthy relationship partners are enjoying to find out more and more about person they are with like one can enjoy reading an interesting book. I know, it requires effort and commitment and hard work to ask questions and to be truly interested in that what the person has to say. But this is all about work in a relationship. If you won’t work the relationship won’t exist. That means if you consider your partner being boring, and the time spent with him- wasted time then it would be better for you to be single.

The New Year started and most of us are full of hopes and positive thoughts about how the next year must be and what we shell do to make it like this. And sure we truly wish all the best for ourselves and going to improve our tomorrow. The only thing is that we should hurry up before the time runs out as it already happened a couple of times, before it will be too late. Some of you can agree that at the beginning of the year we feel motivated, energetic and full of energy and after some while something happens and we come back to normal state: being passive and not interested in things. Why is it so? I think it is not the lack of vitamins and energy at early spring that we suffer from its laziness coming through. It comes and says to you with a little kind voice: come on, relax, you can do it any time, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Don’t let it happen. If you feel sorry for yourself, it will take you away. Be hard and strict with yourself and than you won’t regret about wasted time and opportunities. You will be happy to know and to do what you meant to be doing at the proper time in the proper place.

Feeling and emotions may be the most important aspect of our lives. If you are a woman who wants to get married you should know how men fall in love, how to awake and make his love grow.
Love is something that is much more than just an attraction. To love somebody and to build a serious relationship doesn’t mean to swim in a river of good emotions and feelings. It may be surprising for you but falling in love one can compare with deep emotional change like by coming to a new religion or becoming a patriot of his country.
You may think that men prefer careless irresponsible women to those whose love is true and thoughtful. And you are right. Careless, beautiful women are popular with men because they make everyone to consider them first-class women and to be with them to be a big luck. Here is another bit of advice: act so that the man whom you love thinks to have the honor being near you. Man you want to marry you will be you husband only in that case if you take the initiative in your hands. Like with everything in our life you cannot get it without putting any effort.